Jack of Hearts

I don’t do dates. Never.

They’re awkward. There are too many expectations and they never turn out the way you want them to.

Yet, last week, I found myself on a date.
I know. How the heck did this happen?

Well, my best friend thinks that I have 5 ‘secret admirers’. I don’t, I promise. I would know about this, right.
Anyway, so she claims that I do. And when she listed these guys (with me interrupting her with every protest known to man-kind), she listed Date-boy.

Let’s call him Jack. Because his name isn’t Jack.

So, Jack, whose name isn’t really Jack, is a guy I met in college. He studies in a different city then I do, but we study at the same ‘institution’, so to speak. We’re both in the Student Body Council at our school (see last blog) and we met at one of those meetings.

We immediately connected. Our personalities are pretty much alike. Both very outgoing, same kind of humor,…

When we met again later that week, at a party, Jack was a tad bit flirty with me. I didn’t notice (I never notice these kinds of things, but hey) but my friend told me when we were driving home.

ANYWAY…When I told my best friend about this, she immediately added him to the list of secret admirers (that are not really admirers, keep up!) and went onto Facebook to see a picture of him. She immediately gushed about how cute he was, and that he looked like Keane or something…

The next week, she kept talking to me about Jack, gushing how great it would be if we would go out, stuff like that.

So I decided to give it a go. Not because I liked the guy (at least not in the necessary way to go out) but because I liked the idea of going out. Having a relationship. Being in love.

And we had a good time. It was still slightly awkward, but I did enjoy myself. But when I came home, I didn’t feel the butterflies I thought I would be feeling.

In no way am I saying that this is somehow the fault of my best friend. She’s looking out for me, even when she’s seeing admirers that aren’t really there.

I fell in love with the idea of a boyfriend. Not Jack. And I kind of feel horrible about that. I mean, it seems so shallow, you know?

So, I told him about all of this. Not exactly me wanting a boyfriend desperately (a bit too embarrassing, don’t ya think?) but about me wanting to be absolutely sure about something before throwing myself in there. Which I do. It’s not a lie, it’s a part of the problem here. I’ve had too many relationships where I wanted to give the guy a chance and then get disappointed in the end.
I’m done with those.

So, that’s something that I had to get off my chest. :D

(Oh, and I had the idea for the title from Becks. Or Bexhs. Seemed perfect for this entry.)

Love you!